What better day to talk about what is not love, but the 14th of February. Love can make us do things we never believed we could without knowing why. So addictions. But, an addiction is not love.
Same as love, addictions affect the way we see life and ourselves. However, an addiction, aka a repetitive behaviour we cannot stop to perform by will, in most cases is the reaction of our bodies and minds to avoid situations that make us feel sad, stressed, lonely or bored. There are various addictions: exercise, gambling, drugs, social media and more… All of them come down to one point, they get you hooked to endorphins, and they rewire your brain and thoughts.
My passion, or nah…
I had an exercise addiction. I didn’t realize it until I stopped and I am not alone. During my two years in the Netherlands I was working 30 hours per week, studying an equal time for my Masters and exercising 9 times per week or more, with double trainings per day. Crossfit and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu every single day. And, I was not a professional nor I was getting money out of it. To be honest, I don’t remember myself not training everyday since 2008. However, in the Netherlands it was my peak. Being alone and having a tough schedule, training was my daily dose of happiness. It was my passion and I thought I loved it!
Is it you or is it your addiction?
Addictions play with the chemistry of your brain and create cerebral dysfunctions. (Check literature for more info here and here). They affect the way you see life, yourself and even your preferences. Depending on the addiction, they make you feel angry and ashamed and even change your wants and desires. You might think it’s you liking doing something but, is it really you? Or is it your addiction messing with your head?
In my case I didn’t really love exercising anymore, but I was telling myself I did. I just had to go, because if I didn’t go to BJJ the rest of the guys would become better than me, if I didn’t train CrossFit I would become fat. There was no joy anymore in training, I did what I had to. And I did it that much, that at the end I didn’t even know why I was doing it.
Decisions and actions
Coming back from the Netherlands to Crete I became depressed for about 8 months. I was stressed, still writing my thesis and after our annual BJJ summer camp (aka 3 trainings per day) and a full week after that of not sleeping properly hosting a good friend from Italy, I was destroyed. I got shingles and I had to stop working and exercising for a week. 1 week of doing nothing. Then it struck me!
In the beginning I felt like shit. When you decide to stop an addiction, it’s when it hits you the harder. The withdrawal syndrome appears like a siren seducing you to fall again into the trap of your enhanced habits. You feel you cannot make it, but you can! In some cases alone, in some cases with help by your family and friends. In my case, it was the first time of my life that I had free time and with my dog Rio I started slowly to take long walks. There were so many things to do from reading a book to meet and talk with friends. Opportunities… everywhere!
Change everything
I had to change everything and especially my environment. I left my gym and all the negative people affecting my life behind. I start to hang out with beautiful people from my work that I already liked. I started volunteering a bit and to attend meetups. At first, I didn’t stop training, I trained even harder and participated in a CrossFit tournament, January 2017. On February I was on a plane to Thailand, travelling and working for a month.
Since then, I have been focused on my job that I love and on improving myself. I have been travelling pursuing my goals, working remotely and having the life I always wanted. I still train, but I put priorities and people in my life. I might have switched my addiction from exercising to travelling, need to check that, but one thing is for sure. I train because I miss it and because I enjoy it, and most of all because it makes me happy! It is a continuous process though 😉
Addiction is not love.
All you need is love!
Photo by Sweet Ice Cream Photography on Unsplash