“Lost in the dark wilderness of the world, Dante seeks by his own power to climb a mountain robed with the rays of the rising sun, “the origin and cause of every joy” (Inferno 1.77-78). But his path uphill has been blocked by 3 beasts: a lynx, associated with lust and other sins of the flesh; a lion, associated with violence and pride; and, worst of all, a she-wolf, the beast of avarice”. To be precise envy, a wicked beast of hatred, cousin of pride.
A sin to rule them all
“For in truth, all other sins are at times directed against one special virtue alone. But envy takes sorrow in all the blessings of his neighbor” (“Parson’s Tale,” 488-489).
In Divine Comedy’s second section, Dante is climbing the mountain of Purgatory. He goes through 7 terraces, the terraces of deadly sins, which teach him lessons and purify him on his way to the top. For him the top is love of God, for you it might be simply love. Because, love is all we need…
On the second terrace, Dante encounters souls who spent their lives on earth desiring what others had, to the point of harming, and deriving pleasure from seeing them brought low. For that, in after life this souls had their eyes sewn with iron wire, dressed with gray cloaks resembling a crowd of blind beggars leaning to each other but unable to see. That is what envy does to us: it consumes us, fills us with hatred that blind us and leaves us suffering and alone.
Envy, you bitch!
Our ego is dressing up for each occasion of our lives. He wears his nice suit and fancy watch and almost always brings a date to the party. Most of the times he shows up with his close friend, Mrs. Jealousy or Mrs. Envy, and they spend the whole time impolitely whispering gossips about you. Your envious ego is constantly comparing you with others, while judging you in the most cruel way. Have you ever heard a whispering voice in your head rising from the darkest places:
“Look at yourself, you are not good enough! You’re just another ordinary man, while “he”, and “she” and “they” have achieved so much! What have you been doing all these years, watching funny videos on Facebook?! Loser!”
Envy or jealousy?
Envy is when we lack something that someone else has, whereas jealousy occurs when something we already possess (often a close relationship) is threatened by a third person. In Greek mythology, it is Hera’s envy for Aphrodite that fuels the Trojan War!
However, envy and jealousy often travel together and in most cases lead you to… murder! That is metaphorically, by killing your relationships with people you love, or literally such in the case of Cassius and Caesar or Shakespeare’s Othello. When you are envy, you enter in a vicious circle of suffering as portrayed in this picture I stumbled upon online.
Behind the scenes
If we calmly put things down and straight, we realise that envy is not really caused by the desire for the achievements of others, but by the feeling of inferiority it brings upon us for not achieving them ourselves. It is an egocentric view of the world, ignoring the work put in the backend by those people to get there.
We mostly envy the people closer to us, out of simply the fact that they are accessible. However, the online world allows us to compare ourselves with almost anyone fuelling this dark feeling even more. And extreme envy eventually leads to hate, anger and even violence. Envy does some many things, but certainly doesn’t lead you to your success!
At the end of all days, envy holds you back from achieving your fullest potential. It costs you friends and colleagues and slowly, or fast, deteriorates all of your closest relationships. It can even lead to physical health problems since the stress lowers the immune system causing infections, heart diseases, and as claimed, even cancer. Mentally, it may lead to depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Perhaps envy is the root of all problems!
Taming the beast of envy
Everyone knows the 7 sins, but rarely one seeks for the 7 virtues that fight them. Consider them as your secret weapons. In the case of envy (Invidia in Latin) is kindness (Humanitas), or in other words satisfaction and compassion. And as everything, practice makes perfect. Regular exercise of being kind (an activity or skill) is the way to become proficient in it. To do so you need to break the dark pattern:
1. Understand yourself
We are not all equal by nature. People have different talents and abilities and that is the reason why you cannot excel in everything. It is not natural and you can scream as much as you want, but you can’t go against nature or move faster than light! 😉 No matter how much you compete with the persons you have close to you, there are millions of people out there better or with more than you. Just because you can’t reach them, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Stop being silly!
2. Use your brain, don’t just go with the flow of emotions
Be brutal honest here, it’s all about you and how you feel, not the others. In many cases envy comes from the dissatisfaction of what you have or don’t have now. So, stop comparing yourself to others or judging yourself for where you are now. Start comparing yourself with yourself! The distance between where you started and where you are now is the best measure of success. Accept responsibility, set your goals, focus on the opportunities and start your own journey!
3. What’s in for you?
Comparing and judging wastes your time, you don’t gain anything. How about start seeing what you can gain from someone else’s journey and life? How you can improve, learn and become better by getting inspired rather than feel threatened. The good thing is that you can see the result on others and decide whether you want to go for it or not. But don’t be fooled here, you are not seeing all the pain, sweat, sadness or sacrifices behind. Stop focusing on the result but on what truly matters to you!
Celebrating one’s successes, especially of the people you love is a great big party! Being happy for them creates love that is shared with you, that eventually brings you more joy and happiness.Sharing is caring! Today, be generous, share your love, knowledge and skills with the ones that have less or more. That is because:
Life is not a competition sprint, it’s a very long marathon and at the end you will hopefully reach the finish line, walking slowly holding the hands of the people you love.
4. Take your time to heal
Start observing all the good you have in your life and don’t take it for granted by looking at others. You are talented, you are loved, you are intelligent and strong. You my friend are unique! Be nice and talk to yourself with kind words. Look inside and start loving yourself, see with your own eyes why others love you. If you don’t find anything to love in you, ask around 😉
Finally, take your time to think, cry, scream and eventually relax. Breathe before you speak and seek for help and support from your environment and loved ones. Create a ritual to follow when you lose control, in order to bring your sanity back. This ritual will put you every time on the right path of your new mindset. Come on, stop overanalysing life and start exploring it with the people you care!
